learned helplessness by sadfem

r̶̢̺͈͑̒̓̋͋͝ȩ̴̧̨̭͔̙̼̥̟̻͎͕̥̣̮̔̽̒͒̔̂̈͊͆́̽̈́̈͐̌̚͜͝a̴͚͕͈̗̖̫̰̝̭̼͉͚̘̞͉̻͛̍̑͊̅̍̀̏́̚͜͠l̵̡̖̫͈͙̲̮̓̌̈́̓̿́͝l̶̨͓͚̈́͆͛̈́͐͒̔͋̽̇̈́̽̍́̌̆͘ỳ̵͈͔͉͈͉̩̪͙̍̀͠ ̷̩̼͉͔̐̃̈́́͒͠g̵̜͍̙̗̲̼̼̅̆̄̋͋͆͑̀̌́̇͗̇̒̒̔ͅŗ̶͓̤̯̥͐̒̈̕e̵̞̍̊̈́́̈̏̍̈́̐́̐̃͘̚͝ą̷͓͍͉̲̩̩̞̹͈̼̭̹̟̻̩̺̋̒̄̍̿́t̸̢̨̧̛̪̥̭̹̳͇̟̝̱̜͔̓̏̋̌̍̒̓͆̀̕̚̚͘͠ ̸̛̗͓̰̇̇͌̐̓̿̃͝a̸̛̛̱̺̻͖̣̟͔̤͒̾̒́̃̓̓̇̔̿͛͂͘ḿ̵̧̡̛͖͈͓̯̜͇̯͉͖͎̦̟̿͗̈̀̑̐b̶͙̰̠͕̰̖̥͛̇̿̈͆͒̓̓͂̕̚̕͘͝͝i̵̹̦͈̮̘̯̞͗̍͆̅͑ͅę̵̧̢̝̭̲͔͍̞̥̖̘̖̣̈́͂̑̉̓̆́̌̈́̄͘͝͝n̴̡̧͉̰͙̘̳̰̥͚͙̳̟̥̈́́̎́̍̏̋̐͛̏̃͐͌̌̕̚̕t̴͇͚̟͇̍̽̅̆̀͒̓̇̿͝ ̸̛͖̜͖̔̏̑͌̌̐̓̊̂̒ť̸͙͚͌̾̑̅͑̑͆̇͗͘ę̸̡̠̜̯̻͙͔͉͓͎͕̬͊̈́c̴̛̛͖͍̬̍̄̏̽h̷̼̟̜͇̊̅́̅̑̋͝͝͝ņ̷͇̱̱̜͈̓́̆̋̈͂̈́̿͗̂̕͘ǫ̷̖̲̲͕̞̖̻̲͎̪̖͙͛̉́̄̄̑͜͝ͅ ̴̡̢̱̩͈̮̞̠͇̺͓̐͒͛f̵̧̭̜̎̈́͋̃̐̒̈́̆̌͊̓͒̓o̸̮͓̬̰͖̩͈̜̟̻̗̻͕̭̺̪̝̾̃͆͐́͐́̒̌̀̍̔͆̓̚r̸̢̨̢̙̫͓̰͉͉̩̳̗͐͑̆̍̀̌̍ ̴̛̱͍̳͇̟̳͓̠̖̣̙̭̥͍͕̥̅͒̏̅͒͒̑̈́̃̋̚͝ͅǎ̴͓̺͍̬̤͙̲͔̈̎̏͒̾̌͗ ̷̧͎̠͓̝͖̥͍̪͖̬̻̬̹̈͛̿̐̐̅͘͘͠r̴̢̲̲͖̤͚̖̜̠̅͌͆͜é̵̛͍͔̱̐̓̌̃̒̓̔̍́̒̉͜a̸̡̛̹̳̰̫̼͚̙͕̦̪̼̙̜̒́̆͑̆̊͒̈̓̓̂͝l̴̡̹̟͙̩̼̪̽͗̇̏̒̎͐̔͊̀ͅl̷̢͍̫̹̲̗̦̠̠̳͍͔̹͔̀͆̓̅͆̿̿y̶̧͖͚͈͍͖̯̖̫̋̆̈́ ̶̧͇͈̖̋̇̈́̈́̀̽͝ͅh̴̫͔̆̀̆̒̋͐̍͋̍͆̾̅̅̏͘͝͠i̴̫̮̠͍̬̗͉͔͙̾̽̇̉͜p̷͇͍̥̓̑̈́̆̽̕̕ ̶̭͈͇͂ȳ̷̨̧̧̺͖̙̙͚̾̽͒̆̆o̷̡̼̫͕̪͍͕̲͚͉͊̒̏̐̀̈̀̔̇̓̋̕͘̕u̶̡̬̩̼͈͑ņ̸̹̼͎̩̞̜͍͈̝͊̓͊̔́̽̋̃̑̏͂̇͆̉̑̕͝ḡ̵̨̡̧̭̣͔̘̞͔̠͇̥̮̀͘̕͠ ̶̛̭͙̞̪̬̯͍̟̙̎̾̍͑̏̓͋̊͌́́̑̽̀̕̚c̷̢̛͔̟̯̘͈̘̩̹̖̓̇̄̉̑́̅̑͐͘͜͝r̴͖̝̗͍͓͎̣̩͎̤̓͒͛͌̄̈͛̾̑̊̑̿̓̒͜͝õ̴̺͍̪̭̲̙̺͂̋̇̒̂͆͂͛̔̽͊̏̅͗̕͘w̷͓̩̻͗̈͛́d̵͇͉̮̳̖̪̽̂̄͆̈͌̈̇͌̽̉̀̚͠!̴̦̲̫͙͎̱̪̟͇̪̰̺̪͑͜͜͠


i think of this album as a reflection on having essentially given up on life. knowing you'll never catch up to your peers. fantasising about ending yourself but knowing you'll continue to passively exist. trying to make peace with it and find comfort, gratitude, and beauty in this harsh world.

then again maybe that's pretentious and retroactively imposed. i didn't make most of the tracks thinking their musical elements have a specific meaning, beyond the general mood they evoke alongside the samples of media that resonated with me in one way or another.

i didn't initially see the project ending up as ambitious as it did. it started out with a couple of tracks where i tried dabbling in some new styles and exploring more of the tools my recently upgraded music software provided. at one point i thought, maybe i'll put out a sort of idm ep with a bunch of anime samples. then i kept having more ideas until it ended up being my longest, most diverse and accomplished release yet. funny how something i started off not taking as seriously as previous albums led to substantially more experimentation and growth as an artist, i guess that's often the way. i'm satisfied that i managed to branch out my sound and alternate between varying combinations of genres that interest me, while still having the album sound fairly cohesive. i'm also really glad i got to collaborate with all the featured artists, and put it out on a label run by one of my favourites. thank you all.

i hope you'll take the time to listen to this album and that it makes you feel something.

natural born loser

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