Bernadette Peters from Perfect Gentleman by Randy Kaplan

"Bernadette Peters" by Randy Kaplan

I just saw Annie Get Your Gun
and it was starring, you know, the one
I've always loved and often dreamed about.

She was great in the show, the best by far,
a truly charismatic star.
And so I waited by the stage door to whistle and shout.

I went home and rented Pennies from Heaven
and I felt like I did when I was seven
and I saw The Jerk for the first time and I was like, Wow!

Yes, I've been in love with Bernadette Peters
and the age difference never mattered.
She's so soft and her small smile breaks my heart.

But in The Jerk I also loved that part when
the biker chick weighed Steve Martin
by feeling his ass cheeks and jiggling them around.

And when I was nineteen I found myself seeing
this biker chick from Pasadena.
She used to ride me on the back of her Sportster all over town.

She was older than me but not so much older.
Maybe halfway between me and Bernadette Peters.
But I was nineteen and so I let her down.

But she made me love her even when
I had the flu and I loved her then.
But I was also in love with You Know Who.

Yes, I was in love with Bernadette Peters
and the age difference didn't matter.
She's so pale and curly and cute and smart.
She's so soft and her small smile breaks my heart.

Yes, I am in love with Bernadette Peters
and I hope that someday I could meet her.
She looks good in chaps and she looks good in a dress.
And if she asked me to love her I would say yes.
Yes, I would say, "Yes."

• Blues
• blues
• country-blues
• ragtime
• story song
• Detroit