Beginnings: 2012 by Emily Taylor Kelso

I’ll tell you forever that 2012 was the worst year of my life. It wasn’t all bad, but I was so absolutely unequipped for what I went through that it took the next decade to recover, and in some ways it permanently altered me as a person.

That’s why this year gets its own album of re-recordings. I wrote hundreds of songs to process it all, and when I look back, I still love most of them. As emotional as I personally think these songs are, they don’t scratch the surface of what I went through. Those songs didn’t start coming out of me until 5 years later after a whole psychology degree and a little therapy.

Love Story is the most ironic way to start this collection, but I insist on doing things chronologically. So this is me falling in love for the first time.

Are You Happy Now is me getting my heart broken for the first time despite everyone trying to warn me.

Stupid Boy is peak pettiness on my part. I’ll own up to that one; I was being a dramatic 15-year-old kid.

Over You was me trying to be hopeful and trust that time would heal all despite how messy it was in that moment. (Spoiler alert: it would.)

Recovery was the first day I felt truly good again. (Spoiler alert: it wouldn’t last.)

Miss Me, Miss Me was me re-gaining my confidence and remembering I was worth loving, and worth missing.

What’s Good About Goodbyes had a bridge that came to me in the shower; I wrote the song around it. I liked writing as if I was years in the future, reflecting back on whatever I was going through in that exact moment with wisdom and clarity. I especially like revisiting songs like that now that it really is years in the future.

Good Girls (Bad Boys) is about the first time you hear that the first person to break your heart is seeing someone new.

Each Step of the Way just proves how complicated humans are. It proves that I could be angry and hurt and heartbroken but still insist on caring about the person who caused it all once I saw that they were going through something. (Or it proves I was really easily manipulated. We’ll never know what really happened here.)

It’s Still His is that feeling when you’re not over someone, but there’s someone new trying to win your heart. It’s not that new person’s fault; you’re just not ready until you’re ready.

Still in Love with You is… exactly what it is. Exactly.

You Taught Me That was mainly inspired by the grandfather I lost when I was 6. I had a weird relationship with religion and the idea of heaven when I was younger, and writing songs like this gave me so much comfort.

Fall for You Again is how it feels to love someone new but still have moments where you worry that you’re not over that first heartbreak. It’s weird the first time you care about two people at once; before that, you don’t believe there’s anyone else out there for you. At least when you’re 16.

The Last Song was me being determined to start the new year without dragging 2012’s baggage into it. It was also right after Taylor Swift released Red, and I was obsessed with All Too Well. Unfortunately for me, this was not actually the last song.

As a kid, I was that girl who wrote songs about anything and everything. As an adult, I'm still that same girl. All I've added is a little twang.

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