ocd from fuck world by blood girl

now i’ve had ocd
i mean offically
for 4 months at least

and its a shit disease
and my medicine
is still not helping me

i still cannot eat
i still cannot sleep
i still cannot be

i always feel on edge
i always feel death
creeping up my sleeves

and ive probably had this illness for more than 10 years
but lets not think about that
and everything i ever do triggers me to a point of panic
but lets not think about that

do you know how scary it is
to be afraid of things you cannot ever change
or do you not think about that?
do you know how fucked up it is to not know whats real
or do you not think like that?

i still cannot feel
if my heart is skipping beats
if thats even true

like should i see a doctor
or see my therapist
is anything real?

the feelings i can get
from shit inside my head
is completely off the hook

i hate this shitty life
or i hate this shitty time
or i hate my ocd

and this illness is chronic
and will probably haunt me for the rest of my life
but lets not think about that
and this illness is violent and makes me think im vile and shit
but people get uncomfortable if i ever mention that

it is not just cleaning or that i like it tidy
it is not a hobby or something exciting
this illness is as horrible as horrible can get
feeling like a prisoner in your own fucking head
never fully understanding what is me and what it sickness
so i just give up and give inand accept
that nothing ever changes

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